Number of hours I have slept over the past two days: 4
Amount I paid for a sandwich last night for dinner: $20
Number of hours I sat in a car in the dark watching a vacant house: 5
What’s this add up to? It adds up to the amount of sense this post is going to make, which equals 10 plus $20. Exactly.
Good luck reading this one folks. It’s a cornucopia of sleep-deprived fun.
Last Friday, our neighbors threw us a surprise baby shower which included a cake for “Baby Pickle,” Molson on tap, streaking, mooning, beer pong and strawberry spinach salad (which was very good), and lots of great gifts. The shower/ party ended around 2:30 a.m. once the beer pong champ (NOT me) couldn’t remember how to get home despite him living directly across the street. It was such a great party even the special needs girl from down the block joined in the festivities. See below:
The rest of the weekend was spent celebrating the Holiday of Labors by getting a Gold Membership to Costco, buying 18 pounds of dried cranberries and going to Five Guys for a burger. Kim was very bored, which made her crankiness more apparent than usual.
All of this was in preparation for my long week at work which consisted of going out, coming home for 4 hours, going out, coming home for 3 hours, going out, going to a co-worker’s hotel room for 1 hour, going out, coming home and writing a senseless blog entry. What was the goal of all this you ask? The goal was apparently to eventually have some woman screaming hysterically that you are ruining her ability to care for her kids because now she has to fix her front door and you are seizing her last $350. You would really feel bad for her until you look up and realize this chick has a bigger LCD TV than you (me) will EVER have and her kids have 2 XBoxes! TWO! I don’t have ONE XBox!! In addition she has approximately 300 pairs of brand new Jordan’s (“Jordan’s” are sport sneakers for those of you over 35; they are equivalent to your Keds only nicer). So all in all, this week was a total success baby-wise and job-wise. AND I did have pancakes for breakfast which was nice.
I complain, but this week was actually kind of fun. I could have gone for more sleep, but couldn’t we all. And, according to just about everyone, I will get no sleep when the baby arrives. I beg to differ. KIM will get no sleep once the baby arrives. I am the man.
At least today is Friday so… wait…it’s Thursday…crap. Time to get some sleep and to try and stop this unicorn from eating my paperwork. Exactly.
Oh… and quote of the day from 6:45 this morning.
6-year old girl: “You ain’t gettin my cell phone ’cuz I hid it!”
Me: “Your daughter has a cell phone?”
Mom: “YES, in case we don’t know where she went to.”
God Bless us, everyone.
All of this was in preparation for my long week at work which consisted of going out, coming home for 4 hours, going out, coming home for 3 hours, going out, going to a co-worker’s hotel room for 1 hour, going out, coming home and writing a senseless blog entry. What was the goal of all this you ask? The goal was apparently to eventually have some woman screaming hysterically that you are ruining her ability to care for her kids because now she has to fix her front door and you are seizing her last $350. You would really feel bad for her until you look up and realize this chick has a bigger LCD TV than you (me) will EVER have and her kids have 2 XBoxes! TWO! I don’t have ONE XBox!! In addition she has approximately 300 pairs of brand new Jordan’s (“Jordan’s” are sport sneakers for those of you over 35; they are equivalent to your Keds only nicer). So all in all, this week was a total success baby-wise and job-wise. AND I did have pancakes for breakfast which was nice.
I complain, but this week was actually kind of fun. I could have gone for more sleep, but couldn’t we all. And, according to just about everyone, I will get no sleep when the baby arrives. I beg to differ. KIM will get no sleep once the baby arrives. I am the man.At least today is Friday so… wait…it’s Thursday…crap. Time to get some sleep and to try and stop this unicorn from eating my paperwork. Exactly.
Oh… and quote of the day from 6:45 this morning.
6-year old girl: “You ain’t gettin my cell phone ’cuz I hid it!”
Me: “Your daughter has a cell phone?”
Mom: “YES, in case we don’t know where she went to.”
God Bless us, everyone.
1 comment:
If you think you're sleep deprieved now, just wait. Even though you're "the man", when the woman and baby don't sleep, you really won't either. Especially when the baby is crying in the next room. Glad to hear you had an interesting week; are any of those shoes your size? Just kidding.
But, a musical selection for you...Sleep Song by Rooney or Graham Nash's Sleep Song...
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