A Whole Lot of Bacon Going On

6. 5  pounds. It's not a very exciting measurement, really. That's what a gallon of ethanol, a digital projector, an 8-week-old panda cub or a bulk slab of bacon at the local Safeway will weigh in at. And according to the midwife, that's how big our baby is right this very day.

Now I'm not sure how anyone can figure this out by putting her hands on the outside of your stomach and squeezing a little bit, but I'd rather hear 6.5 as a rough guess than, say, 9.2 pounds. Especially considering this little one should keep growing for another couple of weeks. I hope the same is not true for me.

Just 23 days left until our official due date. Things are becoming very real very quickly. I am getting accustomed to sleep deprivation with about four trips to the bathroom every night, and we are both practicing with various baby technologies. For instance, trying to figure out how to assemble and take down our portable play yard. If we've mastered that, does that mean we are now qualified to be parents? It certainly was one of the more challenging tests I've faced lately.

More training this week: I am supposedly going to learn how to breast feed in a two-hour class tonight, while we're both doing the "baby tips" class on Thursday. Should provide some good material. 

Funday Monday

Know what today is? Today is Monday. Know what is good about Mondays? Nothing. Know what is good about Oreo Dream bars? Their taste, but back to Mondays. Today was a Monday not unlike all the other Mondays in my life. I had to go back to work, I had a stupid “very important” meeting to attend at 10, I had to stop and get gas which makes me 5 minutes late for work every single time I do it, and I lost my wallet for about 20 minutes before I even left for work. I found it in my work car, so I had that going for me, which is nice. However, THIS Monday got interesting at about 9:30 AM when I got a call from a hysterical Kim saying she is going to the hospital and being put on a monitor to make sure the baby is still moving. She asked if I could come with her so within about 17 seconds I was back in my car heading back down to Ephrata Hospital and Horse Infirmary (they combined the two because it just makes sense). Last night Kim felt the baby moving less, and felt it even less this morning so she called the doctor to make sure that was normal, and they told her to come in just in case. Don’t panic, everything turned out fine, the baby is fine, Kim is fine, I am fine, but it IS still Monday.

The whole ordeal did give me a good excuse to hit 110 MPH coming back down to the hospital… and horse infirmary. I actually pulled up behind a crotch rocket (motorcycle) so fast that HE had to get out of the way and give me a dirty look. It used to be that I was in his seat making people in cars get out of the way. But anyway, I found that one lane roads make it very hard to go fast, and that people get VERY mad when you pass them in turning lanes. None the less, I got there in record time.

We ended up staying at the hospital for about an hour in which time we got to hear, and see, the baby get hiccups, watch the Olympics, and I lost my wallet again. I later realized I took it out and put it where? On the seat next to me in my work car AGAIN so it was handy should I have gotten pulled over. I then went back to work and finished my Monday. There are still about 2 hours left to go this Monday, so anything could happen. I have some Watergate salad to eat, so that could go awry.

Oh, and we went to the cabin this weekend to which I have two comments:

- going to sleep at 11 and waking up at 7 IS NOT traditional cabin fun

- I won EVERY game we played. Can Schuyler say that? No, he can’t! What CAN Schuyler say? He can say he enjoys watching Nick win.

Here is what SHOULD be happening at the cabin

Did ANYONE enjoy the song from last week? The only person that I thought might was Luke, and he was a long shot. I received NO comments so I have no idea. I picked up the tempo this week and I mainly picked this song because I like it, AND because I like the commercial it is in. It is that cell phone commercial with the guy playing pool by himself. Not only is he playing pool by himself, but he sucks at it. Who DOES that?

Song of the week: Ace of Spades by Motorhead

No funny business this time around. Just wanted to share what our nursery looks like four weeks from D-Day. The chair arrived and the wall hanging went up last weekend, so Nick met my Type-A deadline of Aug. 15 for everything being complete.

 

Now we just need our little bundle of joy to get here and begin exploring. For now, we're happy spending time in there and reading stories in the comfy glider. One of Nick's favorites was Pokey Little Puppy, so we've been reading that, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Richard Scarry and the occasional Shel Silverstein. Feel free to pass on your recommendations for our baby library!

Doing Martha......'s Vineyard

I know, I know. You were all very concerned about why there hasn’t been a blog entry in a couple weeks. I even heard rumor that some of you were on the verge of picking up the old revolver and ending it all. NO NEED Ninjas, we are back in business!! After a computer meltdown and a week’s vacation, I am drafting a new blog entry for your erotic reading pleasures.

So what have you missed since the last entry? My computer got a worm, or a virus, or a Trojan condom, or something of the like that makes my searches on the Internet constantly spit out adds for cloning animals, dominatrix hermaphrodites, and devices that apparently make you bigger where you need it (I assume they mean the brain). We therefore have to get it fixed at some point. In the meantime, I am using a superior Apple computer, which I am told does not get viruses because it was inoculated back in the 50s. It has the scar to prove it.

That being said, the other thing you missed was the first annual Graham, Shaughnessy, Dacier, Marselas and Kristopher’s friend Nick vacation to Martha’s Vineyard. I said my name first because I slept the most. I also probably drank the most, though Skip (Kim’s uncle) did have a shot of Vodka at 8:15 am. He said it was to finish the bottle, but I suspect otherwise.

Here is a run down of what we did on vacation: went to the beach, played Frisbee in the water, made 4 meals a day on the grill, went bike riding and running, went to the library (FOR REAL), had a maitre d’ who looked like a male model (that last comment was according to Nick) saw a lighthouse, paid to use a toilet, paid approx. $456 for dinner for two people, watched Germans get naked, went fishing with a hung-over Australian named Darrel, and played Lego Star Wars on Nintendo DS. Oh and Kim complained, let’s not forget that.

However, the highlight of our trip was undoubtedly the fact that I saw Jay-Z. Well, I am 99% sure it was Jay- Z. He was driving a tinted Range Rover and he neglected to wave to me as I passed by, so I am pretty sure it was him. Kim attempted to yell “Jigga WHAT?” out the window but she was too slow. I blame the slowness on the baby who I will never forgive for making me miss being able to yell at Jay-Z (NOTE: Jigga is Jay-Z’s nickname, not a racial slur, although Kim does enjoy using racial slurs. You should have heard her when the Germans got naked). Kudos to Uncle Skip for getting a pretty cool house, and kudos to the Shaughnessys for not minding the dent and scratches on their SUV (I didn’t see that French bus boy till it was too late).

The last day of vacation included visiting Nikki in Boston. She showed us a cheese shop, a sink shop, a dog bone shop, and another cheese shop. She lives in the gay sink cheese district of Boston, so that explains things. We did have a great dinner with a bottle of wine, and then I destroyed Nikki and Kim at Scrabble so, all and all, Boston is awesome. That is all I have to say about vacation.

In addition, we pretty much finished the baby’s room. Crown molding is the devil’s accent piece to any room. I strongly advise no one even attempt it because it steals a part of your life that you will never ever get back…. Ever. Otherwise things turned out pretty nice. I just hope the baby appreciates lead paint cuz it cost extra.

On a side note, I am instituting a new addition to our blog entries. Each time I post, I will give you my recommendation of a song that you should download off iTunes, Limewire, or a song website of your choice. They will mostly be random songs that I think are cool or that I think will make YOU cooler people. Because our baby will need some cool people in it’s life. Enjoy, and remember, they can’t all be winners. Those of you over 35 please consult your local record store on how you can obtain these songs.

This week’s song: Ruby Tuesday by Melanie; it reminds me of the gay cheese district of Boston and it is a remake of a Rolling Stones song. Enjoy.